I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
