i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
