why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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