so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
