Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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