But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
