Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
