Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
