I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
