i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
