ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
