i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
