just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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