Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
