Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
