Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
