We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
