He kissed a someone with a penis
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
