I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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