I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
