The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
barbara walters just said penis...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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