I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize