I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
