We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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