I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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