they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
