once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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