I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
