I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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