Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
