actually, I'm a sock model
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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