I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
