her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
