she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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