You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
