Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
