i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
