Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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