Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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