I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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