I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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