R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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