We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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