And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
