Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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