I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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