She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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