there was a trapeze. enough said
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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