He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
