no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
