i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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