I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
