I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize