Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
