You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
