This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
