I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she woke up with a sticky ear
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
