i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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