Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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