no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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