Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
