i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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