You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
