dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
