He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
