last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
