I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
