I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I want a musical about memes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
