Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
