I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
