My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize