I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
