how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
