When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
