I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize