y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
