how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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