i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
