PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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