the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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