Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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