his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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