Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
