Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
