Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize