he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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