just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
