Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
