quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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