If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
