You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
