I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize