The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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