it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
sex in a hospital.. check
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
