i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
